ASP Advantage 1994 2nd Q2

home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search

/ ASP Advantage 1994 2nd Q2 / The Association of Shareware Professionals - The Official ASP Advantage (2nd Quarter)(1994).bin / files / gamether / jq14 / whatuget.lst < prev next >

Wrap

File List | 1994-02-08 | 16.9 KB | 446 lines

JOKES & QUOTES DATA FILES When you register Jokes & Quotes you'll receive the latest version of the program along with ALL the data files currently compiled. This is the complete listing of the data files currently available for Jokes & Quotes. You can read the section after this list of file names to get a short description of each category. The * beside a filename indicates the file is included with the evaluation (shareware) copy of Jokes & Quotes. (Note: Jokes & Quotes can access twenty five categories at one time.) Topic name: Filename: # of records 1. THINGS TO THINK ABOUT * THKABOUT - 119 records 2. OXYMORONS OXYMORON - 114 records 3. ONE LINE WIT * ONELINE - 310 records 4. TYPOS TYPOS - 110 records 5. SELECTED SCRIPTURES * SELECT - 365 records 6. THE BOOK OF PROVERBS PROVERBS - 601 records 7. KID TALK * KIDTALK - 93 records 8. POLITICS * POLITICS - 65 records 9. YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN... GETNOLD - 46 records 10. QUIPS & WIT * QUIPWIT - 344 records 11. QUOTED * QUOTED - 180 records 12. QUOTABLE * QUOTABLE - 112 records 13. DISORDER IN THE COURT! TRANSQUIPS! * DISORDER - 34 records 14. THE CANONICAL COLLECTION OF LIGHT BULB JOKES * BULBJOKE - 55 records 15. REAL LIFE IN FANTASY LAND! TV AXIOMS * TVAXIOMS - 83 records 16. PRACTICAL JOKES * PRACJOKE - 66 records 17. DOWN HOME FUN * DOWNHOME - 83 records 18. FORTUNE COOKIES * COOKIES - 691 records 19. ZIPPY THE PINHEAD * ZIPPY - 104 records 20. REAL DUMB PEOPLE JOKES * REALDUMB - 132 records 21. THE SEXES THESEXES - 71 records 22. ASCII ART * ASCIIART - 82 records 23. YOUNG'S 1861 SCIENTIFIC SECRETS SECRETS - 99 records 24. DR. FRANKLINS MAXIMS FOR WEALTH * MAXIMS - 90 records 25. SOMETING NICE NICE - 65 26. YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN... * REDNECKS - 54 27. I'D REALLY LOVE TO BUT... * EXCUSES - 100 28. SQUEAKY CLEAN SQUEAKY - 102 29. LIMERICKS LIMERICK - 78 30. DAFFINITIONS DAFFY - 129 31. COMPUTER QUIPS & QUIBBLES COMPQUIP - 150 32. TRUTHS TRUTHS - 55 33. JOKES TO TELL THE KIDS * TELLKIDS - 280 34. NATURAL LAWS NATURAL - 192 35. IF IF - 65 ******************* From here down may cause controversy ******************** 36. LAWYERS LAWYERS - 101 records 37. LAWYERS II * LAWSHORT - 45 records 38. TOP-10 * TOP10 - 104 records 39. INSULT ME! * INSULTS - 51 40. PHILOSOPHICAL QUOTES PHILQUOT - 326 41. WHAT ABOUT SEX? SEX - 72 The first portion of this list should be suitable for just about any network environment. The second list of files have the potential to cause controversy in a public environment. You might want to read over these files before installing them on a network. (Note: All of the data used by the Jokes & Quotes program has been censored to remove sexually explicit or vulgar langauge.) 1. THINGS TO THINK ABOUT Filename: THKABOUT - 119 records This is a specially selected collection of jokes, quotes, and short stories that bear special consideration. They offer insight and fodder for contemplation. For anyone who seeks more of wisdom this collection will provide much to be pondered. 2. OXYMORONS Filename: OXYMORON - 114 records Ancient Greek : Oxus = "sharp" - Moros = "dull" Oxymoron...a self contradicting phrase. For example: A sharp dullness or a foolish wise. 3. ONE LINE WIT Filename: ONELINE - 310 records This is a tremendous collection of "One Liners". Quotes, jokes, quips, maxims, wisdom and more all in a single line. 4. TYPOS Filename: TYPOS - 110 records This is a collection of typographical errors made by professionals in their field. Most look like honest mistakes but some kind'a make you wonder. 5. SELECTED SCRIPTURES Filename: SELECTED - 365 records This is a collection of selected scripture verses taken from the King James version of the Holy Bible. Over 300 scriptures, each selected for the special message it bears. 6. THE BOOK OF PROVERBS Filename: PROVERBS - 601 records The is the entire book of Proverbs from the King James version of the Holy Bible. The Book of Proverbs encompasses a vast array of human situations from love and marriage to drunks and thievery. There are some real gems of wisdom here. 7. KID TALK Filename: KIDTALK - 93 records This is a collection of jokes that deals with the child's point of view. Easy going fun that any parent can relate to. 8. POLITICS Filename: POLITICS - 65 records Whether you're a Republican, a Democrat or an innocent bystander you're bound to feel the effects of a "Government at large". This collection of jokes, quotes and political ponderings tries to "lighten up" the darker side of our country's leadership. 9. YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN... Filename: GETNOLD - 46 records It's a fact of life. If you live long enough you're going to get old. Considering the alternatives, are there any reason why you wouldn't want too? Just in case you're getting old and you havn't quite realized it yet...Try a few of these to see if they ring any bells... 10. QUIPS & WIT Filename: QUIPWIT - 344 records This is a large collection of quips, one liners, and witticisims. Not a whole lot of wisdom but the fun abounds... 11. QUOTED FIlename: QUOTED - 180 records A collection of quotes from many famous and not-so-famous people. Always witty but not necessarily wise. 12. QUOTABLE Filename: QUOTABLE - 112 records This is a collection of quotes from many famous people with something to say. Most of the quotes here are laden with wisdom and understanding. 13. DISORDER IN THE COURT! TRANSQUIPS! Filename: DISORDER - 34 records Most language is spoken language, and most words once they are uttered vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of court reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made during the proceedings. Court is now in session, and here are some favorite transquips, all recorded by America's keepers of the courtroom word: This file was posted on the Fidonet Mensa Echo by Bob Hirshfeld, Esq., of Greater Phoenix Mensa. 14. THE CANONICAL COLLECTION OF LIGHT BULB JOKES Filename: BULBJOKE - 55 records Light Bulb jokes, you know what these are all about... 15. REAL LIFE IN FANTASY LAND! TV AXIOMS Filename: TVAXIOMS - 83 records Have you ever been watching a TV show and you just know what's going to happen next. You say, "Watch this, he's going to...", or something like, "You know that could never happen in real life...". Well if you have you've been victimized by TV axiom's. In the real world 6000 bullets fired at a good guy would probably have their effect, but not on TV... 16. PRACTICAL JOKES Filename: PRACJOKE - 66 records This is a collection of practical jokes downloaded from various BBS systems. The whole collection contained about 600 different jokes. The ones presented here were the only one's out of the entire lot that seemed suitable for the public at large. Many of the jokes were much too harmful and dangerous or just too disgusting. The one's presented here however, offer some fun entertainment or maybe even some good ideas... 17. DOWN HOME FUN Filename: DOWNHOME - 83 records This is a collection of jokes and quotes centering on the lighter side of home life and regular folks. Friendly fun for anyone who's been a part of family living. 18. FORTUNE COOKIES Filename: COOKIES - 691 records Most everyone's been to a chinese resturant and tried a fortune cooky. Some wise, some silly, some right on target. Well here's computer cookies at their best. Note: The fortune cooky category is different from all other categories in that the different messages are selected randomly rather than in sequence. This was done the give the Fortune Cookies a touch of mystic. There are 694 different messages to select from so the odds of getting the same one twice in a row is slim... but it does happen. If this file is renamed to anything other than COOKIES it will be treated like any other file. It will display it's records sequentially instead of randomly. 19. ZIPPY THE PINHEAD Filename: ZIPPY - 104 records The file consists of zippy quotations (from various comic books and strips by Bill Griffith) from Zippy the Pinhead. Strange stuff, but bizarrly interesting. 20. REAL DUMB PEOPLE JOKES Filename: REALDUMB - 132 records Most everyone has heard Blonde jokes but not everyone has the hair color to appreciate them, hence "Real Dumb People" jokes. These jokes were originally "Dumb Blonde" jokes but a friend of mine (Who had black hair) was offended, so rather than waste a great collection of jokes, those that "worked" were converted to "Real Dumb People" jokes. Now the only one's who can be offended are the real dumb people and hopefully they'll be smart enough not to admit it. 21. THE SEXES Filename: THESEXES - 71 records Men and Women; they were made for each other. They don't always understand each other but when they're together, things happen... 22. ASCII ART Filename: ASCIIART - 82 records From the early days of computing to the here and now it seems the users of keyboards and monitors have felt the need to express their artistic yearnings. :-) With a little discernment and imagination some common and well known characters can take on a whole new meaning. The various faces used to convey messages was born out of the need to communicate complex thoughts quickly using only the keyboard and monitor. When leaving a message on a computer Bulletin Board System these symbols can add flavor and personality. 23. YOUNG'S 1861 SCIENTIFIC SECRETS Filename: SECRETS - 99 records As data for Jokes & Quotes this text file was edited to contain only selected portions. Only a few of the hundreds of "secrets" in the book are presented here. This collection of material came from an interesting old bookcall "YOUNG'S DEMONSTRATIVE TRANSLATION OF SCIENTIFIC SECRETS". Everyone likes to see the way things were done over one hundred and twenty five years ago. 24. DR. FRANKLINS MAXIMS FOR WEALTH Filename: MAXIMS - 90 records Dr. Franklins Maxims for Wealth come from a curious old book named Young's Demonstrative Translation of Scientific Secretes. This old book written over 125 years ago contains information still relevent today. 25. SOMETING NICE Filename: NICE - 65 If you ever feel like you need a lift or maybe you feel the need to be lavished in praise and admiration just turn on the computer and have it say something nice to you. This collection of complements is just the thing start you out with the right attitude. <Grin> 26. YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN... Filename: REDNECKS - 54 This is a collection of quips describing one of the more "colorful" characters of our society. When you meet one you pretty much know it and if you are one most everyone else knows it. Have fun! 27. I'D REALLY LOVE TO BUT... Filename: EXCUSES - 100 Have you ever been asked out on a date... but you really didn't want to go or maybe your Aunt invites you over to play Parchesie on Saturday night. What you really need is a good excuse. So have at em! 28. SQUEAKY CLEAN Filename: SQUEAKY - 102 This is a collection of "squeaky clean" jokes that should be suitable to tell just about anywhere. Whether in school, in church or in front your most prudish Aunt these jokes should go over like a 747 at 20,000 feet! 29. LIMERICKS Filename: LIMERICK - 78 You've all heard limericks, the cute little rhymes that tell a story in a few short lines. Here's a collection of some of the best and most entertaining ever heard. Have fun! 30. DAFFINITIONS Filename: DAFFY - 129 DAFFINITION: A definition for a word that more closely explains it's "real life" meaning. 31. COMPUTER QUIPS & QUIBBLES Filename: COMPQUIP - 150 This collection of jokes and quotes is selected for the high-tech computer junkie. These quotations will have the most meaning for those people who are involved in the computer industry. 32. TRUTHS Filename: TRUTHS - 55 A collection of quotations and stories that express the hidden truths that lay in the simple observations of everyday living. There's a lot of wisdom to be seen by one who is looking. 33. JOKES TO TELL THE KIDS Filename: TELLKIDS - 280 Lot's and lot's of really cute and super clean question and answer jokes. This is just the kind of stuff to remember to take home to the kids. Some of these are really dumb, but that's what tends to make them so funny... 34. NATURAL LAWS Filename: NATURAL - 192 This is a collection of some of the natural laws and observations of human living. Lot's of fun stuff that more often than not expresses some real and tangible truth. You may even have some natural laws of your own. 35. IF Filename: IF - 65 If this, then that, that's the name of this game. This collection of jokes, quotes and quips all begin with a question... *** READ THIS! *** The following files while entertaining and fun may not for whatever reasons appeal to everyone. Before using these files in a public environment that you are responsible for I suggest you read them carefully. 36. LAWYERS Filename: LAWYERS - 101 records Everybody hates lawyers...until they need one. This collection of jokes is all about lawyers and the humorus side of their profession. Some of these jokes tend to be short stories so be prepared to spend some time and make sure you use the PGDN and PGUP keys when the scroll bar appears on the right side of the screen. 37. LAWYERS II Filename: LAWSHORT - 45 records This is a second collection of lawyer jokes all in the form of questions and answers. 38. TOP-10 Filename: TOP10 - 104 records This is a collection of TOP 10 lists from the Late Night With David Letterman Show. These lists were selected from more than a thousand that were downloaded from the Public Domain, Consumer Electronics Forum on Compuserv. Note: Some of Dave's humor can get rather ribald. Although this file has been edited for vulgar language and sexually explicit content you might want to read it over before putting it into a public environment. 39. INSULT ME! Filename: INSULTS - 51 Just in case you're ever feeling too good about yourself you can turn to your computer to put you back on track. This is a collection of insults and nags that ought to put a smile on the face of the slanderee. Have fun! 40. PHILOSOPHICAL QUOTES Filename: PHILQUOT - 326 This collection of quotes comes from many of the great minds throughout history. They're collected here to provoke thought and contemplation. Many of these quotes will also provoke controversy and rebuke so in reading them you should bear in mind that all quotations are just opinions and sometimes are not worth the time it takes to repeat them. 41. WHAT ABOUT SEX? Filename: SEX - 72 This is a highly unusual collection of quotes concerning the subject of sex. Probably not what you're expecting, these quote come from some of the wisest and most brilliant people in all of human history. Many of these quotations date back to the days before the birth of Christ, as far back as 600 BC. Take em for what their worth.